Since my boys were young, they’ve all helped me mow lawns over the years. They’ve learned how to cut the grass, weed eat, clean out the mowers, and change the oil, etc.
But when I asked my 15-year-old son to weed-eat recently, he said, “Sure, but I’ve never done that before.” It was an eye-opening moment for me. Why did he not know how to weed-eat? All my boys know how to weed eat… or do they?
My two older boys learned how to weed-eat at much younger ages. What I had to realize was that I had “protected” my 15-year-old from having to do that, because, honestly, it was just easier— easier to let him do the mowing, while I handled the more tedious trimming, rather than taking the time to teach him how to do it himself.
Parenting Patterns
I think this same pattern can show up in many areas of life for us as parents.
- We make meals for our family, and then WE also clean them up while our kids watch tv.
- We wash our kids’ laundry, then WE also fold it, and put it away for them.
- When our kids make a mess, WE immediately clean it up for them.
- When our kids misbehave, we threaten consequences, but WE don’t follow through and give them a pass instead because we feel bad.
- For some reason or another, we naturally want to protect our children from hard things. But by doing so we actually hurt them in a different way in the long run—we fail to prepare them for real life.
Adversity is a key to success in life. Teaching our kids to face hard things while they’re young helps them learn to trust God more deeply for the rest of their lives.
Don’t Steal Their Struggle
So, let your kids learn how to do the hard things:
- Teach them how to use the “weed-eaters” of life.
- Require them to clean up after meals and help do those dishes
- Have them join you in folding and putting away that laundry.
- When they make a mess, require them to help clean it up.
- When they misbehave or make poor choices, let them experience the natural consequences of their actions.
Few things in life will raise responsible kids more effectively than requiring them to take personal responsibility.
Because if they never have to do any of the hard stuff now, life will not get easier later. Their teachers, future bosses, or future spouse will not likely treat them with the same kid gloves.
The areas where they have been unnecessarily protected when young often become unnecessary hurdles when they’re older—in life, in work, and in relationships.
Don’t steal the struggle from your children now, only for them to have face it unprepared later. Let them wrestle with hard things today, so they’ll be ready to stand strong tomorrow.
Their future self (and boss, and spouse, etc.) will thank you for it someday.
What is one hard area of responsibility (a chore or something else) that you regularly require of your kids?
