Teach them diligently unto thy children… when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way. -Deuteronomy 6:7
Many parents find themselves perpetually frustrated with their kids… “Will they ever learn?”… “Why can’t they just listen?”… etc.
They’re in a constant state of discouragement, feeling depleted in their parenting efforts. And unfortunately, this weariness is often evident both to their children and others around them as well.
However, a parent who finds a healthy balance between training and correction is better able to do the following:
- Be proactive rather than reactive
- Enjoy the process of helping their child develop godly character
- Carry out a positive training approach
Rather than viewing a child’s misbehavior or character struggles as irritating obstacles, this parent sees them as opportunities to shape a heart and deepen the relationship.
A Positive Approach to Parenting Forward
I was recently asked this question by a parent: “How do I get my children to see that they are loved and not hated when training them?”
One of the best ways we found to train our children so they feel loved is specifically this: training them in moments when they’re not in trouble.
While training will naturally happen around times of discipline, there’s something powerful about intentionally pulling your child close during calm everyday moments to speak truth and life into them.
According to Deuteronomy 6:7, this is the biblical pattern for training and family discipleship… “When thou walkest by the way.”
By doing this, you can achieve a whole new level of responsiveness and success because you are not in reactive mode, and they are not in defensive mode.
You are speaking life and truth into them in the normal rhythms of everyday life, not just when they do something wrong.
This approach is remarkably effective because your child begins to associate your training not just with their misbehavior or mistakes, but as a normal, loving part of your relationship—which is exactly what you want.
Positive Parents Produce Positive Kids
This week, look for regular opportunities for this kind of positive training, and you’ll likely see your children responding more positively and openly to your guidance.
When parents view their child’s actions through a more positive lens, their parenting naturally becomes more positive. They become kinder, more thoughtful, and more patient.
Before long, they find themselves treating their child more like our Heavenly Father—the perfect parent—treats us. Their responses become filled more with grace than grit and more with kindness than criticism.
Of course, when a child continues to violate clearly explained expectations, consequences must follow. But discipline never has to be wrapped in anger or negativity.
Allow your words and consistent follow-through to do the work. Yelling, throwing adult-sized tantrums, and raising your voice aren’t necessary—and often undermine your authority.
Use words with weight and meaning, not volume.
This positive mindset shift won’t happen overnight, but with patience and consistency, you’ll begin to see the change—first in yourself, and then gradually in your children as well.
Train before trouble strikes, and your forward-thinking, positive parenting efforts will start paying off over time.
