“Parenting forward” (focusing on training more than correction) is a huge win for Christian parents.
Last week, we talked about one of the best ways to do this: train your kids when they’re NOT in trouble. Use those small, everyday moments to speak truth and life into them.
But what about when they ARE in trouble?… Today, I want to share another game-changer I like to call “the doctrine of replacement.”
Here’s what I mean. In the Christian life, it’s not enough to just stop doing the wrong thing—we need to replace it with something right. We don’t just stop thinking wrong thoughts; we replace them with good ones (Philippians 4:8). You get the idea.
The same goes for parenting. When discipline happens (and it will), don’t just point out what your kid did wrong. Teach them what to do right next time. Show them a better way forward.
Here’s how to do it:
My friend Scott Turansky at biblicalparenting.org suggests having a “settle down” discussion after discipline. It’s a chance to share your heart and listen to theirs. Ask these four questions:
- What did you do wrong? (Help them own it.)
- What should you have done differently? (Help them see the better choice.)
- What will you do next time? (Help them commit to doing right. Tie it back to honoring God and respecting others—Matthew 22:37–39.)
- Who do you need to apologize to? (Skip the empty “I’m sorry,” unless they truly mean it. Instead, encourage them to admit: “I was wrong for… Will you forgive me?”)
When you handle discipline this way, you’re not just correcting behavior—you’re shaping their heart. You’re helping them recognize what went wrong AND figure out how to get it right next time.
Recognize the bad. Replace it with the good.
This “doctrine of replacement” is simple, but powerful. Even young kids can grasp it. And the best part? Everyone keeps moving forward instead of getting stuck looking backward… and that’s a win-win.
