For the most part, boys are rough, tough, and love the dirty side of life, while girls are often primpy, preppy, and well… emotional. (did I just say that?)
Let’s face it, your daughter needs to be loved differently than your boys. She needs a rock of strong defense to lean on. She needs to posses your confidence in her, and your verbal and physical affection towards her. She is tender and more fragile than your boys.
Dads, through the way that we treat her, we have the opportunity to give her the wings to fly, or crush her before she even has a chance to get off the ground.
Like it or not, there are some things that your daughter probably needs more of than your boys. So here are a few important ways of how to love her differently:
1. VERBAL AFFECTION – The Way You Talk To Her Matters
The best way I’ve learned to remember how to talk to my daughter differently than my boys is to learn from how I need to talk to and relate to my wife as a woman. Realizing that my daughter is a ‘little woman’ in the making, she needs the very same things as my wife when it comes to verbal affection, just on a younger level:
- She benefits greatly from verbal affirmation of her character and abilities.
- She needs to be told often “I love you”, just as much as she’s shown it.
- She desires to be regularly complimented and told she’s beautiful, especially from her dad.
- She enjoys being verbally acknowledged and praised when she does things right.
- She appreciates when she is given more details, not less.
The way we talk to our daughter matters. Just like our wife, she is more sensitive to our words. We have the power to build her up or tear her down with our words, because the way we talk to her matters.
2. PHYSICAL AFFECTION – She Needs More, Not Less
This is one of those areas where dads have to stay continually conscious. Our daughters need our physical affection as much and more than they need any other form of fatherly love from us.
Giving her lots of hugs and holding her hand are very important to a girl, yet it’s really easy for us as fathers not to even think of it. I can usually tell when I’m not giving my daughter as much physical affection as I should because she’s more inclined than usual to seek it out from me.
Dads, let’s be real honest here, if she’s not getting it from you, as she gets older, it won’t be hard for her to get it from somewhere else or someone else. Our daughter ought to never grow up having to beg for any form of physical affection from another male because we’ve failed at our responsibility of giving it to her.
I’ve found that in comparison to my boys, my daughter needs twice as many hugs as they do. She loves it when dad kisses her on the forehead and says, “I love you” or “You’re beautiful”. And she eats it up when I cuddle up next to her on the couch to watch a movie.
One of the ways to love her differently is to remember that when it comes to physical affection, she needs more from you, not less.
3. AUDITORY AFFECTION – You Need To Listen, Because She Needs To Be Heard
When my daughter and I spend one on one time together, the top three things she likes to do is 1) talk, 2) Talk, and 3) TALK some more!
Let’s face it, girls talk more than guys. Because God wired them that way. Men, just as much as our wives need us to simply listen to them on a regular basis, our daughters need the exact same thing from us.
“One of the greatest expressions of kindness and love for a girl is someone who will listen to them.”
This can either be a blessing or a curse, a positive or a negative in the life of any female. Girls and women WILL find someone to listen to them, the key is that it must be the right someone, otherwise the consequences can be devastating. And the principle is the same whether it be in a marriage or a relationship with our daughters. They desperately need to be heard, which means as men, we’ve got to consciously discipline ourselves to listen.
Dad, let me encourage you to keep the lines of communication open between you and your daughter by:
- Making yourself available to your daughter to simply listen.
- Regularly prompting conversation with your daughter. This can easily happen by you just saying, “Let’s talk” and letting it go from there.
- Scheduling times alone (like going on a date) when you can talk by yourselves about important issues of life together.
And remember… the younger you put these principles into practice, the more successful your efforts will be.
“Girls need dads who will listen, because girls need to be heard.”
So, dad, how are you doing? In which of the three areas of loving her differently do you need to work on the most? And what are you going to do about it, starting today?
