It’s no secret that we live in an ever-increasing victim-mentality culture. Everyone thinks they’ve been done wrong, while accepting little to no responsibility for their own personal actions or outcomes. It’s always a whole lot easier to blame others for the way someone’s life is than acknowledge or accept any fault of one’s own.
This might be a child in our home who never thinks anything is ever their fault and fails to see how their own actions affect negative outcomes. It could be a friend who engages in self-negativity or finds pleasure in the attention they receive from their own misfortune. This could be simply a teenager who avoids responsibility or who acts powerless to participate in the outcomes of their own life. This can be seen in the current culture that seeks to pin every disadvantage on minority or racial status, whether legitimate or not.
All of these things are rooted in seeds of entitlement and narcissism, that if left unchecked, grow larger with time as people can no longer see beyond themselves. So how can we as parents specifically help the children within our own home not to fall into this victim-mentality trap that has become a cultural phenomenon? Here are 5 super practical practices to save your child from developing a victim mentality.
Require obedience of your children.
I know it sounds elementary. But it’s true. Make your children obey. One of the greatest ways that parents inadvertently cultivate a victim mentality in their children is by allowing them to talk their way out of simple obedience and consequences for disobedience.
Godly parents should never make rules that they don’t intend to consistently enforce. When our mouths say one thing, but our actions say another, we confuse our children through inconsistency, and as a result, give them an excuse that their actions (and our consequences) really don’t matter as much as we say they do.
But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Matthew 5:37
Require them to be a part of solving their own problems.
All kids have issues. All kids need parents. But God did not give parents to children to solve all their issues. God gave parents to children to guide them into learning how to solve their life issues with God’s help.
Good parents don’t leave their children high and dry to figure everything out completely on their own. But godly parents don’t spoon feed solutions to their kids’ problems either. They are intentional to practically prepare them for how to handle life in the real world.
He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live. Proverbs 4:4
Require them to take responsibility for their own actions.
When your child messes up (and they will), help them own it. Because the opposite of victimhood is accountability. They may not always be able to control their circumstances, but they can always take responsibility for their response to their circumstances. Choosing to be the victim is not a biblical response, but rather completely antithetical to Christian values.
And when they’re the ones in the wrong, don’t rescue your child from the natural consequences of their bad choices. One of our kids has become notorious for leaving their wallet behind or misplacing their money. It has been a hard lesson time and again. But children will never learn to independently and successfully function on their own if they never grow through learning life lessons for themselves. Proverbs 6:23 reminds us that “the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.”
“Too many parents are trying hard to prepare life for their children rather than preparing their children for life. This will never work.”
Don’t allow them to sulk in their own pity parties.
Blaming others, whining, and self-pity should not be allowed, because a big part of victim mentality is what happens in the mind. Sulking only deepens their thoughts of victimhood. This is why if a parent sends a child to their room for a timeout, this should not be a time for the child to yell, slam doors, or vent self-degradation.
If our child thinks they are only always wronged, but never wrong themselves, they are in huge danger of victim mentality. Kids need to learn how to pray and meditate, rather than simply chill out and knock it off. Teaching our children how to win the battle of the mind by managing their mood through Christ’s power is a huge part of overcoming victimhood.
Bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Help them become a victor, not a victim.
Victim mentality is born out of selfishness and pride and is the opposite of living our lives humbly for the one who created us and the ones we were created to serve. A victim mentality places you at the center of your universe and demands that everyone else bow down and worship. A victor mentality puts attention where it rightfully belongs by focusing on God and others and rising above obstacles through a positive perspective and a Christ-centered focus.
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. I John 4:4
What one practical change could you make this week to help your child avoid a victim mentality?
