Training your children up right in the younger years will set you up for parenting success in the older years.
When parents neglect their responsibilities in those first few years, it’s not impossible to succeed, but it is a lot harder. They’ll have to play “catch-up,” possibly for years, and try to establish control in seasons not meant for that. I explain this more fully in my book, Godly Parenting.
This is Why Establishing Control Early Matters
The toddler years can be gruesome, but they are foundational years that generally set the tone and future of a family.
God has called parents to be in charge of the direction of their children’s hearts and lives, and when could it possibly be more important than in the early years? Psalm 127:4 reminds us that “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.”
Regardless of your child’s age or your personal scenario, God has given us an opportunity and responsibility to guide our children’s futures by nurturing our children’s hearts. This begins the moment they are entrusted into our care.
Never underestimate the incredible power of consistency.
Today’s Strategy — Calm Consistency, Clear Consequences
There are two things that every child needs in his or her life—consistent boundaries and unconditional love. There must be a proper balance of both in our parenting.
Your child must be able to see that you will be kind yet serious. You will be firm without being harsh. Your words will speak for themselves. You will say what you mean and mean what you say.
Your words alone (not your tone mixed with anger or frustration) will carry the weight of consequence and consistent follow-through. And through it all, you will unconditionally love them, and they will know it.
Consistency is the key.
Telling your children what you expect of them, and then consistently enforcing expectations, does not make you the bad guy. It simply means you’re guilty of good parenting.
To help parents establish control and consistency, I often ask them to complete an exercise called The Parent Discipline Strategy. It requires them to list the specific details of the three areas listed below for their home/child, and then have a conversation with their child to explain and get on the same page. I’d encourage you to complete this yourself.
- Clear Boundaries/Expectations
- Clear Consequences (when those boundaries are crossed)
- Consistent Follow-Through (what consistency and accountability will look like)
Once boundaries and consequences have been established, they can be calmly and consistently enforced by allowing your plan to work through simple follow-through.
Calmly telling your child what to do (and the consequences if they don’t), and then following through on your word speaks louder than threats or countdowns.
Allow your words and expectations to speak for themselves by following through. Yelling, throwing adult temper tantrums, and raising your voice isn’t necessary. Use words with teeth, not necessarily volume.
Just like in any other area of life, when people say what they mean and mean what they say, others learn to respect them for it. Because they don’t have to question whether or not their words carry weight.
Our children are no different. They know when we are in control and when they are. They know when we’re serious and when we’re bluffing.
A clear expectations strategy of calm consistency and clear consequences will benefit any parent and child. Once you’ve established this in your home, then trust God to help you with the hardest part—consistent follow-through.
Let me guarantee you this—it’s worth it!
How could establishing a strategy of calm consistency and clear consequences benefit your home?
