Recently, I asked my readers for questions they would like to be answered on GodlyParent.com. Throughout this month I am addressing one of these questions each week.
Today’s question – What should a parent do when they find out their child is being bullied?
It’s bound to happen in every family at some point – your child is going to be bullied by another child – at school, at church, or in the neighborhood. (One in five students reported being bullied while 66.8 percent said they were bullied once or twice in the school year. Source) It happens, and when it does, what should you do?
From personal experience… here are some things that we have learned.
Condemn it as wrong…
Whenever bullying takes place, it’s important to be very clear that absolutely no bullying in any form is acceptable behavior, regardless of the ‘reasons’. Bullying is an intentional choice to hurt another person either physically, verbally, or emotionally, especially when it is repetitive. And revenge is never an option (Rom. 12:17-21). As we help our children process their pain of being bullied, it is very important that we make these things very clear. It is also very important in these moments to reassure them of your love and to build up their self-esteem if needed.
Use it as a teaching opportunity…
Bullying in any form opens the door for us to have timely conversations with our child about important life and spiritual lessons. Some of these lessons include the golden rule, loving our enemies, praying for those who hurt us, and overcoming evil with good. These life lessons also include the practical side of things – the importance of standing up for your self, the power of walking away, the wisdom of knowing when to take things to an authority figure, and the understanding that ‘hurt people hurt people’. The essence of our faith is brought to reality when we actually have to live it out – to love others when they don’t love us in return. And although that’s the ‘Jesus’ way, that’s not always the easy way.
Navigate the details with discretion…
Every situation’s details may be different, but one thing that all bullying has in common is an aggressor and a victim. As a parent, our natural response is to want to immediately make things right because our blood is boiling, even if that means confronting another child’s parent or releasing our frustration out on an authority. But let me encourage you to be intentional, not irrational. Respond, don’t react. Because almost 100% of the time when we react, we regret. You may need to contact your child’s school, or set up a meeting with another child’s parents, but do so intentionally.
Depending on your child’s age and maturity, this may require varying approaches or different levels of involvement on your part. The older your child, the more involved they need to be in the solution process.
While I’m not giving you exact answers as to what to do, you will know what is right to do if you’ll stop, breath, pray, and then proceed wisely. Here’s what I do know…
- Does bullying need to be addressed? Most often, Yes.
- Does ongoing bullying need to be stopped? Every time, absolutely.
However, instead of reacting, we must choose to respond – first by taking care of the immediate needs of our child in the moment (by following steps 1&2), then addressing additional needs wisely in a manner consistent with what we are trying to teach our children, and most importantly, consistent with our faith.
While this article is not meant to be comprehensive, hopefully, it provides you with some practical ideas. For some additional help or details on this subject, check out the article How to Respond When Your Child Has Been Wronged.
Also, if you have questions about this topic that I can help answer for you, please let me know.
