As a kid, nearly every afternoon I hopped on my bike, peeled out down the block, and then back on the sidewalk in front of our home. And almost every day, our elderly neighbors were sitting on their porch swing to wave at me and say hi. They especially loved it when I would stop, park my bike, and sit with them to just visit for a while.
From an early age, I’ve always been drawn to old people, and for some reason, they’ve always seemed drawn to me. Even then, I learned some valuable relational hacks about how to connect to the older generations that I’ve now tried to teach my own kids. Here are three simple ways to bridge the gap between generations by teaching your kids how to relate to the elderly.
Learn to ASK.
For the past couple of years, our youngest, Shane, has been the weekly elevator attendant at our church for our elderly. It’s not hard to tell that they love the attention and conversation with a young person who is simply willing to engage, ask questions, and show genuine interest in them.
A picture of Shane operating the elevator from a few years back.
Asking lots of questions is a great way to learn about anyone’s past and memories. I can remember hearing so many funny and interesting stories as a kid while I sat on that porch swing day after day. Elderly people love to tell you “their story” that is made up of so many other little stories. And surprisingly, they will tell so much more than they may have ever otherwise shared if you’ll just learn to ask.
“Those who love deeply never grow old. They may die of old age, but they die young.” -Benjamin Franklin
Learn to LISTEN.
I was standing in the aisle at Walmart last week looking at flowers for my wife when I heard an elderly voice behind me, “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” What was a simple statement from a stranger in passing turned into a 45-minute conversation with an 80-year-old woman named Mrs. Hill about the painful realities of life, life-lessons learned, and the faithfulness of God. I barely had to say a word, but you could tell that I made her day just by taking the time to listen. Ironically, we both left equally encouraged.
Mrs. Hill and I talking about flowers, the pains of life, and the goodness of God.
A few years ago, we invited an elderly couple to our house for lunch to allow them to share their life story with our kids. There was so much value in what they shared. Our kids asked questions, listened to stories, and learned so much over that one single meal. The wisdom of years was given a voice, and my kids were the beneficiaries of it.
When in the presence of the elderly, it’s important to follow the wise words of biblical wisdom to be slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). And don’t be too quick to dismiss their “outdated” philosophy of life and values, as it’s often the very foundation we continue to build upon. We too will be where they are far sooner than we think, and will better understand (James 4:14). (You can’t understand your future by trying to erase your past.)
By listening more than you speak, you are able to take advantage of being in the presence of a lifetime of wisdom through hands-on experience.
“The wisdom and experience of older people is a resource of inestimable worth. Recognizing and treasuring the contributions of older people is essential to the long-term flourishing of any society.” -Daisaku Ikeda
“A society that does not value its older people denies its roots and endangers its future.” -Nelson Mandela
Listen to LEARN.
This past week, our oldest and our youngest (Spencer and Shane) got the opportunity to do some yard work for an elderly couple they’d never met. The stories they relayed to us of how appreciative this couple was and the life lessons our boys gleaned from them in just a matter of hours was surprising.
Spencer, Nolan (our foster son), and Shane helping me do our weekly Walmart run for drinking water.
Solomon said in Proverbs 16:31 that “the hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.” When you ask questions and when you listen to answers, do so with the desire to learn and better yourself.
I’ve always told my children to “learn from the mistakes of others so you don’t have to repeat them yourself.” By asking the elderly questions not just about their past experiences, but about their life choices and lessons learned along the way, you have a vault of wisdom at your fingertips. (I also regularly encourage parents to tap into the power of this principle for their parenting.)
I personally am a better father, husband, and leader today because of the wisdom of years that I’ve tapped into through learning to ask, learning to listen, and listening to learn from the older generations. Thankfully, my kids are also better for it as well. Our elderly are a fleeting yet priceless gift and a precious gem just waiting to be unearthed, especially if they “be found in the way of righteousness.”
“Wrinkles mean you laughed, grey hair means you cared, and scars mean you lived.” -Anonymous
Give your kids an incredible gift by teaching them the value of knowing how to practically bridge the gap between the generations in these three ways.
