Help! My child keeps lying… What should I do?…
I recently received a message from a concerned mother who asked this question… “My child lies constantly. Do you have any advice?”
This is a common question and frustration for many parents. The reality is that kids lie. And sometimes they get really good at it.
If you’ve ever faced this in your home, here’s the simple advice I gave to this mom about 3 ways to handle a child who repeatedly lies…
1. Point your child to the Bible
Our children need to understand that the Bible holds the answers to every issue we face in life, including this one. Have intentional conversations with your child about verses and stories that deal specifically with lying and what God thinks about it (Gen. 12:9-17, Prov. 12:22, Acts 5:1-11, etc). Don’t necessarily have these conversations just when they are in trouble for lying, but as everyday teachable discussions or family devotions.
The bigger issue at play is not just teaching them that lying is wrong and sinful, but helping them understand that living honestly is right and godly (Rom. 12:17, 13:13, 2 Cor. 8:21, Phil. 4:8, Heb. 13:18). By doing this, we help both ourselves and them to recognize their lying as more than just a behavioral issue, but a heart issue.
2. Catch them in the act and hold them accountable
One of the best ways to divert lying in kids is to catch them in the middle of doing it. We both know the face our kids make when they’ve been caught red-handed. Make sure you have clear expectations and clear consequences for when they lie and follow through on those consequences when lying occurs. And remember, the pain of the consequence always needs to be greater than the pleasure of the lie.
Lies damage trust. And one of the worst things any parent can do is knowingly allow their child to lie and brush it under the rug, blame it on their age, etc, out of convenience. Don’t be afraid to hold your child accountable, no matter their age. Because if they’re old enough to lie, they’re old enough to be held accountable for lying.
3. Help them feel and experience the pain that their lies cause
Children must understand that their lies cost them other people’s trust. Their lies always hurt them, others, and ultimately God. It’s imperative that to the best of your ability as a parent, your child never benefits or gets their way due to their lying, but rather faces the harsh reality of their deceitfulness.
Here’s a simple exercise to try with your child… (or maybe use a personal example from your life or childhood)…
Tell them to imagine that they have invited all their friends to a big birthday party. They are super excited because all of their friends promised to come… But, when it’s time for the party, for one reason or another, none of their friends show up. When they go to school the next day, they ask all their friends why they promised, but still didn’t show up to the party. One by one, they explained that they had more important things that came up, (one had sports practice, another’s favorite TV show was on, and another had to bathe their goldfish) so, they just weren’t able to make it (help your child understand that ‘their word’ didn’t mean much to them). How would you feel knowing that they gave their word, but for different reasons, chose not to keep it? You’d probably be hurt, and have a difficult time trusting those friends the next time, wouldn’t you? The same thing happens to others when we lie to them. It hurts, and they lose trust in us. This is not what God wants for us or others.
Every child will be different, and with some kids, this can be a long process before it finally clicks and they change their ways. For other kids, it happens much sooner. Regardless of which type of child you have, let me encourage you to do the 2 most important things that are within your control – Pray for your child’s heart to change, and be consistent!
Remember – “The truth doesn’t cost anything, but a lie could cost you everything.”
