As a husband and father, one of the tricky parts of leading in your home with teenagers is when two women that you love are at odds – your wife and your daughter. And before you know it, you are found right in the middle of it all.
So how does a husband and father navigate the waters of female drama when it hits so close to home? Here are a few practical suggestions that I have learned firsthand:
Remember, you and your wife are a team, not you and your daughter.
Regardless of who’s right and who’s wrong, always be on guard against ever giving the impression that you and your daughter are on a team against your wife. That will never end well.
Despite any of your daughter’s or wife’s disagreements, always require your daughter’s respect for her mother.
At the same time, make sure that you and your wife are in agreement as ‘coaches’ about the rules of the game and how you will maintain respect toward your kids.
Address concerns with your wife privately, then both of them collectively.
One thing you never want to do is disrespect your daughter’s mother in front of her. This will not help to solve anything but will fuel further drama.
If disagreements escalate and need to be discussed between you and your wife privately, have that conversation between the two of you, not the three of you.
There will be times when your wife is in the right and other times when your daughter may be. Discerning how and when to address these things either privately or collectively can be key to your success.
Lead them towards love and understanding of one another.
Mothers and daughters argue and disagree, oftentimes, not because they are so different, but because they are so similar.
It’s important to help them see that both of their viewpoints have validity, and help them seek to unify around common ground rather than being driven by pride surrounding their differences.
As fathers, God has given us a male perspective and balanced viewpoint to some of our ladies’ emotionally-driven conclusions. Lead with love while not being afraid to put your foot down when necessary.
Dad, whether you like it or not, you’ve been called to referee your family’s drama. Do it wisely and with grace, and it’s a win-win for everyone.
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18
