Permissive parenting plagues our society today. And there’s an easy answer for why—it’s rooted in convenience. In nearly any situation, the easiest thing for any parent to do is either nothing at all, or, take the least path or resistance.
Picture a family at the park when the parent tells their child it’s time to leave. The child ignores the parent. The parent then repeats themselves multiple times with similar results of the child either ignoring or complaining. The parent tries pulling out the 3-2-1 countdown card, but still to no avail. So they start making threats to the child about losing privileges for a month, or that they are going to leave and go home without them.
At this point, the parent is often frustrated and angry, and even sometimes resorts to extremes of walking off, or even starting to drive away from their child to prove a point. Of course, once the child realizes that mom or dad are now “serious”, they come running or chasing the vehicle with tears in their eyes.
Why do situations like this happen? And is this kind of permissiveness good parenting? No, and here’s why. Permissive parenting and its fallout is actually the result of a parent’s failure to lead with consistency and simply use their God-given authority to require immediate obedience from their children. When parents fail to hold and enforce clear boundaries, their kids don’t take them seriously.
Here are 3 ways that this common form of permissive parenting (among many others) is unkind and hurting your kids.
1 – Permissive parenting leads to extremes.
This cycle of permissive parenting (asking multiple times, getting upset, then taking some extreme action) is always more on the parent than on the child. Exploding over a situation that a parent themselves created is not fair to their child.
Getting angry at a child for your permissiveness of allowing them to repeatedly ignore and disobey is not fair to you either. Frustration that leads to yanking a child by the arm, yelling at them, or making them feel like they’re going to be abandoned are unhealthy parenting strategies. These extremes can be costly, because a parent is ultimately making their child pay emotionally for their own failure to lead.
The Authoritative Answer: Two things every child needs are clear boundaries and unconditional love. Your child deserves a calm and consistent parent who will lead them with love and grace.
2 – Permissive parenting fails to teach biblical obedience.
A simple and easy to understand definition for obedience that we taught our children when they were young is this, “doing what you’re told, when you’re told, with a good attitude” (Eph. 6:1-2).
Children will not naturally come to a biblical understanding of obedience on their own. Parents must be intentional to teach and enforce obedience. This is part of the “train up a child in the way he should go” instruction for parents (Prov. 22:6).
We teach them the importance of immediate obedience (obeying the first time they’re told), and we kindly yet firmly enforce consequences when they don’t. No need for repeating ourself, raising our voice, or going to any extremes. Our calm consistency speaks for itself.
The Authoritative Answer: In the discipline season of 0-5 years old, teaching our kids the #1 thing God expects of them needs to be our #1 goal as a parent.
3 – Permissive parenting sets your children up for future failure.
The real world our children are entering into does not favor permissiveness in the classroom, the workplace, or the family. Children who grow up into adults without the qualities of teachability, dependability, consistency, etc. are more likely to have a hard time achieving academic excellence, holding down a job, or making a living for their family someday.
While permissive parenting may seem kind in the moment, it’s actually the opposite of anything kind or beneficial, because it fails to give our kids a needed firm foundation of necessary character to build upon.
Rather than instilling the positive character traits we desire to see in our children that come through consistency and accountability, permissiveness produces attitudes of entitlement and complacency that will only become harder for our kids to overcome as they age.
The Authoritative Answer: Godly parents fight against caving to convenience and fight for creating consistency and character in the home, even when it’s personally inconvenient.
How can you practically fight against permissiveness and fight for consistency this week in your home?
