As a man, you are a leader. You don’t get the choice not to be one. Whether you are a husband, father, friend, or all of the above, God has called you to lead the people closest to you, starting with your family.
One of the key ways that I’m personally learning to become a better leader is to ask better questions. In a recent leader training with my friend, Bill Allison, I learned the following three self-awareness questions that I am striving to implement into my daily life as a leader (and maybe you should too if applicable).
How can I pursue my wife today?
One of the biggest mistakes men make within a marriage is that we quit pursuing our wives. God does not command us to have a perfect marriage, but he does expect us to have a growing one. This requires pursuit. And more than just a pursuit for sex. This requires that we see our marriage as our greatest disciple-making friendship.
Because marriage is discipleship—two people growing together spiritually as one flesh.
Everyday, find a practical way to pursue your relationship with your wife. This may be starting off the day in prayer together, helping with household chores without being asked, or praising her in front of the kids for one of her many strengths. Daily find a way to prioritize your pursuit of her.
How can I invest into my kids today?
A daily goal I strive to achieve as a dad is to have a personal daily touch (or sometimes many) in each of my kids’ lives. This might be a big squeeze, a game of basketball in the driveway, dropping into their bedroom unexpectedly for a “what’s up” conversation, or just joining them in whatever they’re doing in the moment.
The days go by slow, but the years go by fast. Intentional dads make the time to make daily investments into their children’s hearts and lives. Dad’s who don’t make the consistent deposits can’t expect to enjoy the longterm returns.
How can I influence a Jesus-like disciple-making friendship today?
This is a question that has challenged me and continues to do so. Jesus regularly spent time with his closest disciples through consistently rubbing off on them (John 3:22… no time… no discipleship). His method was not to primarily disciple them through a lecture, but through a lifestyle. Jesus understood that you can’t make disciples from a stage.
As my friend Bill says, “If the only time you influence people is when you’re on a stage, you’re a performer, not a disciple-maker.”
Spiritual leaders need to ask the question, who is God calling me to pull close for disciple-making friendships? In addition to my family, who can I be doing life with as we strive to know and love Jesus better? Who can I call today, text today, do lunch with today for the sake of pulling each other closer to Jesus? This is not just a Me + You friendship (transactional), but a Me + You + Jesus friendship (transformational). This daily question is continually challenging and shaping me.
How could these three self-awareness questions make you a better daily leader?
