Parenting is not for everyone. Statistics show that as time passes married couples in general are choosing to have less and less kids, or none at all. And for a variety of reasons. To mention a few: lack of finances, pursuit of a career, or sheer convenience.
While I’d personally encourage couples to have children if possible, I also respect those who for legitimate reasons choose not to. Especially if they are not ready to make the commitments and lifestyle changes that parenting requires. Parenting is a lifestyle commitment, and in some respects, a lifetime commitment, that needs to be taken seriously.
And that brings us to an important reminder about parenting—being a parent requires the giving up of some things, doesn’t it? From the first days after a child’s birth when days are long and nights are longer… to the diaper changes… and eventually the inconvenient schedule changes of getting kids to school and practices and activities… to the financial crunch that kids can put on a family budget. There are some things that parents simply give up, because it just comes with the territory (Sleep, Money, Time, Convenience).
Parents naturally sacrifice a lot to raise their children, and for the most part they do it joyfully, understanding that this is what they signed up for. They have been entrusted with the raising of a human life, and it requires sacrifice.
But here’s another question…
If the 18 brief and fleeting years of parenting are truly as important and crucial as we believe them to be, what should we consider giving up now that we can always do or have later, in order to be a better parent while our children are still young?
Recently my 15 year-old son asked me, “Dad, if kids only live 18 years at home with their parents, that means that they’ll live the majority of their lives after they leave home, right?” I agreed. He then said something I thought was quite profound, “So everything about those 18 years will affect the rest of their life for either good or for bad.”
I have to admit, it was a “proud dad” moment, as I watched the lightbulb turn on in my son’s heart and mind to realize the immeasurable impact of the childhood years upon a person’s life.
I love the simplicity of how my friend, Jon Tyson, author of The Intentional Father, lays it out in these simple graphics.
Our children are only young and in our home for such a short time, yet those years will direct and define them for the rest of their lives. And more than they need us to simply make sure they grow up with food in their bellies and clothes on their backs, they need us to invest into their hearts and lives so much more into them than just that.
They need us to sacrifice to make sure they have the things that will really matter 10, 20, or even 30 years from now—character, responsibility, good work ethic, financial stability, a toolbox of lifelong relational skills, and a close walk with God.
But these are things that also don’t happen by accident. As parents, there are so many things competing for our time and attention and that would steal it away from our children. Sacrifices have to be made in order for us to maximize upon our investment into our children’s lives during these most impressionable years.
So the question again is this: “What are you willing to give up right now while your kids are still young, to ensure that your current investments really count for the long haul?” Sometimes we forget that it’s okay to scale back certain things in our lives for this season in order to upscale our intentional influence and investment into our kids.
You see, there are some things in life that can wait because our children are more important. Whether that be a hobby, a job, a purchase, or a commitment.
We only get 18 years…
This is such a small portion of time in comparison to our life as a whole. Our tendency is often to coast through these years because, let’s be honest, they are tiring, stressful, and hard.
We know we should be doing certain things but we go home at the end of the day and we just do what comes natural—nothing. Because we’re “wasted”, and this season of our lives seems so very full and draining. And so we inadvertently waste valuable time that we will never get back, whether it be in the garage, or in front of the TV, etc., instead of doing any intentional investing.
My wife and I are in a stage of our parenting where it would be very easy to just coast through. But at the times when it’s easiest to coast, it’s actually time to accelerate. We’ve got to be determined to fight the fatigue and be intentional about moving forward in our family and in our children’s hearts and lives. Because they grow so fast, and the time we’ve coasted through can never be reclaimed.
Rather than seeing this as an extra thing to add to our checklist, learn how to make the most of everyday moments. This is about a lifestyle change, not just a single decision.
Every day we are making trade-offs…
Because with everything we say ‘yes’ to, we are equally saying ‘no’ to something else.
- Serving on that board could mean trading off time at home with you family.
- Spending multiple nights a week on that hobby could translate into robbing your children of time that you will one day regret not having spent with them.
- Making that expensive purchase now may keep you and your family from enjoying the many greater benefits of financial freedom.
As parents, we are constantly making trade-offs, whether we recognize it or not, and many of them not so wise. If we choose to be constantly busy and overcommitted, as a result, our kids often pay the price (with their physical, emotional and spiritual health). And we end up 10 years from now looking back with regret.
Stop and ask yourself – “What am I doing RIGHT NOW in my life that I will look back on once my kids are grown, and wish I wouldn’t have traded for?” Things that really weren’t as important as you thought at the time. Things that kept you from moments that you can’t get back.
- This might be through opportunities to invest into your kids spiritually through family devotions, but you traded off those opportunities night after night for a few tv shows or a series you just had to see.
- Maybe you’ll wish that you would have invested more money into sending your kids to church camp, buying them godly resources to grow their faith, or investing into a family missions trip, but you traded off those things for other nice and shiny things that instead burdened you and your family with debt.
- Maybe it’s that hobby that you absolutely love, but your family absolutely despises, because it often gets more of your attention than they do.
- Or it could even mean scaling back on over-scheduled family sports commitments that are putting undue stress and burdens upon you and the ones you love… and for what?
Now understand… None of these things are necessarily wrong in and of themselves. Nor am I saying that you necessarily have to give all of these things up. But what I am saying is this – You’ve got to be intentional about putting your priorities in the right order.
I’m simply asking you to honestly answer the question, “What can or should I give up in this season of life while my kids are still kids so that I have more to invest now and less to regret later?”
What is it that is keeping you from making the once in a lifetime investments into your children that really matter?
Many parents put nothing on hold during the most crucial years of their children’s lives, only to regret it years later. They live with the mentality that they have to have it all, and they need it all now. Parent, if you are putting nothing on hold while your kids are young that you want to do or buy or even be, that’s a sure-fire way to look back with many regrets. One day you may be able to make that big purchase, that big time commitment, or enjoy that hobby to the fullest. But does that day have to be today?
Don’t wait until you’re looking back in the rearview mirror wishing you’d have done some things differently and changed your focus. Change it now! As my pastor, Josh Beutow, recently said, “Don’t sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the immediate.”
I’ve talked to more parents that I can remember whose kids are now grown and I’ve asked them all this same question, “Looking back, what would you do differently?” And 90% or more of them give this answer in so many words, “I wish I’d have invested more into my kids while they were still at home.” If you still have kids at home, let than sink in for a moment.
You DON’T have to be the parent that one day says that. God is giving you a chance to change that TODAY.
Jesus understood the principle of ‘limited time’ to accomplish a God-given task when He said in John 9:4, “I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.” And this same principle of limited time hugely applies to our parenting.
What one thing has God pricked your heart about even as you’ve read this article that you may need to put on hold to be able to invest more into what really matters most?
Because nothing… NOTHING… Is worth trading-off for the well-being of your children and their future. If you agree, please share.
