Wisdom from the Scriptures tells us that when children are properly corrected and disciplined (as our Heavenly Father does for us), it is meant to produce ‘the peaceable fruit of righteousness.’ (Hebrews 12:11)
Here are a couple of rhetorical questions:
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When misbehavior and disrespect in your home go unchecked, does it help or hurt your parent/child relationship?
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But when balanced & biblical discipline is enforced and your child is reassured of your love, is there a unique sense of tension or peace that follows?
Isn’t it amazing that when kids’ misbehavior is properly dealt with, there is a noticeable difference in the peace level in the home? But what does this practically look like for parents to carry out discipline with their children without having to fear the worst to follow?
There’s a simple formula we have used for years to make times of correction and discipline always end on a positive note and with reconciliation, rather than regret. Ironically, our relationship with our children was always better rather than worse after those times. And as a result, we were able to win their heart rather than lose it, even through those difficult times.
Every child needs discipline. Here are 3 keys to winning your child’s heart through those times:
“Provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Colossians 3:21
When your kid acts like a kid and misbehaves, don’t join them. Remember who’s the adult in the relationship. More harm than help is done by parents who act like kids in the heat of the moment by yelling, throwing fits, and leaving verbal and emotional destruction in their path.
One of the best things you can ever do when your child misbehaves is calmly and collectedly tell them the consequences and then follow through on them. There’s no need for slammed doors, yanked ears, or parents pleading with their kids to obey. When parents live out consistency through their expectations in the home, children feel secure and loved. And one of the best benefits – parents get to keep more of their hair. 😉
Children misbehave. Respond, don’t react.
“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” Proverbs 29:17
Kids want and need to be heard. They have thoughts, feelings, needs, even when they misbehave. In fact, especially when they misbehave. Children need ongoing guidance. Correction in your children’s lives is a daily occurrence. Discipline, on the other hand, may or may not be a daily occurrence. However, both provide a beautiful window of opportunity for parents to tap into the inner workings of their child’s heart.
When your children need correction or discipline, always take time to talk with them, and listen to them. Then take a moment together to talk to God with them through prayer. The order of how this looked in our home was 1. Conversation. 2. Discipline 3. Hugs & Prayer 4. More hugs.
“If done right, a parent/child relationship should be strengthened, not strained, through times of discipline.”
I can honestly say that our relationship with all of our children was always better, not worse, after times of discipline. And as strange as it sounds, they seemed to always love us more, not less.
“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth… Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grevious; nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” Hebrews 12:6, 11
God loves you unconditionally. Love your children unconditionally. Because when your kids know that you love them no matter what they may ever do, you establish that you are always for them, not against them. This is powerful in the process of winning their heart, even if they don’t know it or show it.
There are times when I’m tempted to withhold love and affection from my children when they’ve been bad because “I’m mad at them” (pretty childish, huh?). But all it takes is a brief reminder of God’s love for me, despite me, to realize that I can’t grudgingly hang my child’s sin over their head by playing such petty games any more than God does with me.
God doesn’t reject us or treat us differently after we mess up. He forgives us and welcomes us back unconditionally. Good parents do the same, without holding grudges, or treating their children differently after things in the past have been resolved.
This is why it’s so important to resolve discipline issues through consistency rather than prolong them through the lack of it. Because according to scripture, dealing with misbehavior rather than overlooking it is one of the keys to enjoying “the peaceable fruit of righteousness” in your home.
Think of all the ways God loves you, even despite the fact that your sins nailed his Son to the cross… Wow. Just wow.
Love your children like that.
