As a now parent of all teenage and adult children, my role as Dad has changed in some significant ways as I coach them toward life success.
My two adult children are in the season of developing serious relationships, and so I tell them—”The two most important characteristics in a lifelong mate are that of being grace-filled and having a teachable spirit.” Why? Because if those two things are present, most other necessary things will naturally fall into place.
Encouraging them to seek these things in others has required us to instill these things into them as well, so they are also prepared to be the mate that someone else needs for life. This must happen through intentional effort during the teenage years.
As a godly parent, you’ve corrected and trained your children in the early years to know right from wrong, which is good and necessary. But as your child becomes a preteen or teenager, now your role begins shifting from that of ‘a cop’ to being more of ‘a coach’ as you guide them from the sidelines to smooth out rough edges and refine their character.
Your job is to help them know the plays of how to practically live out their values and make decisions dependent on the Holy Spirit, yet increasingly independent of you. Like letting go of the bike, they need you to give them freedom while at the same time staying close as they make crucial decisions and make inevitable mistakes.
Your coaching role is simple. Here are two key steps to coach your teenage child to success:
Support them with GUIDANCE
Yes, they are becoming more and more independent, yet they still need your perspective, wisdom, and ongoing guidance. Like a good coach, you have something they don’t have yet—the wisdom of years. But now, you are helping them to make everything you’ve taught them their own through hands on experience (This requires tons of these three things.)
Yes, they’re going to go through weird phases. Yes, they’re going to mess up. Yes, they’re going to need unlimited patience and unconditional love. But what they especially need is your presence guiding them each step of the way.
I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. Psalm 32:8
The world doesn’t simply need cookie cut-outs of you, who simply mirror your values and beliefs. The world needs young people who can passionately stand on their own two feet with the foundational pillars of their own personally possessed character and values to support them.
The world needs more Josephs, Daniels, and Esthers who can stand despite any odds against them.
Equip them with PRACTICE
Your child is about to fly on their own in the future, so it’s time to start nudging them towards the edge of the nest to test and refine their training. Just like a good coach, you’ve got to give them opportunities to practice what you’ve taught.
Imagine a coach who only talks to their kids about the plays of the game and what to do once they’re on the court, but never allows their sneakers to actually squeak on the floor or them to practice their shot or the actual plays until game day. That would make no sense at all.
So why do parents do this with their teenage children, expecting them to somehow be ready for life in the real world at 18 without having allowed them to practice for it within the safety net of their own home?
If we want them to know how to navigate through the darkness of the world around them on their own, we’d better be letting them hold the flashlight while we’re still by their side.
Christian teenagers need to know how to wisely navigate relationships, how to responsibly use media and technology, and how to make discerning decisions on controversial issues under the leading of the Spirit, all on their own.
They also need to know how to balance being full of both grace and truth in a world that is lacking both. This comes through parents who intentionally equip them with practice during the teenage years.
I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. Matthew 10:16
Your soon-to-be-adult teen is counting on you to prepare them for life in the real world. The ways you purposely support them with guidance and practically equip them with practice are hugely important in coaching them toward longterm success.
If you’d like more insight on how to practically carry out these two principles in your home, I explain them in greater detail in my new book, Godly Parenting In An Ungodly World. If you’d like additional information about the book, click here.
A fun picture that captures our personalities well.
How did they grow up so fast?
