Have you ever noticed how easy it is to identify other people’s problems, yet how hard it is to accept when other people point out yours?
It’s true because due to our sin nature, every person is ‘broken’ in some way, shape, or form. There are people that you can look at their life and circumstances and as an observer from the outside, you can put your finger on certain reasons why things are the way they are in their life. Yet, no matter how much you can see it, you know that they would never accept hearing you say it.
Now flip that coin around… there are things about you that other people can see are an obvious concern, yet that you are oblivious too or in denial of. And even if they tried to point those things out to you, you would resist them and tell them how wrong they are.
Why can others readily spot what needs to change in us, but yet we are blinded to it?
Part of the reason is because our natural fleshly tendency is to resist counsel, reproof, and correction. This is one of the reasons Solomon addresses this issue so much in the book of Proverbs (Prov. 15:10, Prov. 3:11-13, 10:17, 12:1).
Proverbs 10:17 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth.
And another reason is because we lack a very important quality – Self-Awareness – the ability to see ourselves the way others do.
Someone once wisely said, “Oh, that God would give us the very smallest of gifts – to be able to see ourselves as others see us.”
Let me ask you this question, and try to answer it honestly…
What is it like to live on the other side of you?
- As a spouse… parent… boss… friend… sibling
- Are you an encourager, motivator, helper? Do you praise more than you criticize, edify more than you discourage?
- Are you a glass half empty or glass half full kind of person?
- Are you gentle, kind, patient, and forgiving, or harsh, loud, critical, and quick to judge?
- Are you an optimist? Do you naturally see the best in other people? Or are you a pessimist? Do you naturally assume the worst about others?
- Are you a joy to be around, or do others have to put up with a lot to be around you?
- Do others feel comfortable speaking and pouring into your life because you welcome it, or are they hesitant to try because they know you are resistant to change?
Here’s a good practical way to check…
If it’s been a long time since you’ve changed your mind about anything (an opinion, a habit, a different point of view), that’s not a good sign. If you refuse to hear other people’s opinions and views without building walls of defense for your own, you are in danger. And as a result, some of your ways of thinking are hindering you from being more successful as a parent, spouse, or a leader.
The pointed reality is this – whatever your way of thinking and living up to this point in your life (whether right or wrong) will be your default way of thinking and living for the rest of your life. And for most people, it is unlikely that they will change without a willingness to be honestly self-aware.
Therefore, a greater self-awareness is one of the best ways to continually improve, because rather than having to be corrected or reproved, you are actually self-correcting and constantly improving on a personal level. Why do people fail at this? Primarily because of too little self-awareness and too much self-denial.
We are trained creatures of habit, and so we think that the way we think, the way we do things, and the way we treat people is the right way. As a result, the longer we think that we are right and others are wrong, the stronger those mental connections become hardwired into our thinking and lifestyle, and the harder they are to break. And so it’s very hard for anyone to be able to convince us otherwise, even though we may be wrong.
I love what Andy Stanley had to say about this concept of self-awareness, “Somebody can see about you what you cannot see about yourself. Somebody has a perspective on your life and your lifestyle… the way you parent, the way your treat your wife, the way you talk to your husband, the way you submit, and the way you work. Somebody has insights about you that you just cannot see. And until you see them you’re not going to change… And when you get that advice you’ve got to pre-decide I’m going to listen, I’m not going to resist. That’s how you get from where you are to where you need to be. Because mature people know when they don’t know, and aren’t too proud to seek out people who know. Immature people seek out people who will tell them what they want to hear.”
If you feel like you’re in the same cycle you’ve been in for years in your marriage, your parenting, your job issues, your family relationships, you’ve got to come to the point of realization that you don’t know how to break out of this. And once you come to that realization, you’ve got to be willing to get outside input and start changing your level of self-awareness.
Proverbs 22:3 A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.
Consider these 3 Qualities of the Self-Aware Person:
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They are Very Teachable. A self-aware person is going to humbly welcome the input of others, rather than despise and resist it. In fact, if they are on top of their game, they will actually be asking other people for their input. (However, if you rarely get input from others, that could be a red flag, because people will withhold from giving input to a person they know is not teachable.)
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They are Constantly Improving/Changing/Growing. If the way you do things now and the way you think now and the way you treat people now is exactly the same as it was 10 years ago, you are in a habitual, and maybe even spiritual rut, and you probably don’t even know it. Why? Because you’ve likely convinced yourself that your way of thinking and living is the right way. But a self-aware person is always making course adjustments to the way they live life in both the big and small areas.
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They are Increasingly Happy. A person who is stuck in their own ways is adamant, resistant, and argumentative when others try to speak into their life. And that kind of person is rarely a happy person. But a person who is self-aware and teachable is allowing other people and truths to pour into their life, making them continually better, and as a result, increasingly happier. When a person can both self-correct and allow others to correct them in their thinking and their living, they are a person who is constantly improving their quality of life, of which happiness is a natural by-product.
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Are you a self-aware person?
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Who are you honestly asking or allowing to speak into your life on a regular basis to help you become better?
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Are you farther, happier, better than you were 5 or 10 years ago, or are you still struggling with more of the same old, same old?
Sadly, the lack of this principle is one of the reasons why many Christians never see spiritual breakthrough from old habits, never reach new victories, and seem to just be a member of the Christian rat race on the hamster wheel of routine and predictability. The problem with all of that is that it gets you nowhere, and for one main reason – because nothing changes!
It’s a Biblical principle that if you are made aware of the truth, but do nothing with the truth, you end up being the loser in the end. James 1:22 “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”
I love a quote I heard recently, that says this, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Maybe it’s time that you allow your spouse, your children, your friends, or your pastor to speak truth into your life. And maybe it’s time for you to start choosing to become more self-aware, and as a result, start seeing the change you desperately want and need in your life. Because…
“If you are not changing, you are not growing. A self-aware person is a continually changing and improving person.”
And that’s the kind of person I want to be. This is an area that I am constantly growing in personally. How about you?
