When our children were young, our parenting required more of a cop mentality (making them obey).
This involved an ongoing process of making sure they did right, which was necessary.
I can still remember one of our kids routinely hiding behind the couch trying to eat candy without us knowing. However, the pile of leftover candy wrappers gave it away every time.
But as our kids got older, we found that our parenting required more of a coach mentality (helping them succeed).
This involved intentionally giving them counsel and guidance to make good decisions on their own.
Our youngest just got his driver’s permit, and my wife told me yesterday that his driving scares her. So lots of patience and guidance required right now.
Switching from a cop to a coach mentality as a parent is a hard but needed shift as our children get older.
Letting Go of the Bike
When your kids are young, parenting is like teaching them how to ride a bike with your hand on the back of the seat. But as they age, you’re going to need to take your hand off the seat sometimes, whether your kids realize it or not.
Especially in the preteen and teenage years, letting your child put feet to their faith is very important. You are not teaching them the fundamentals anymore, but coaching them about how to live them out in daily life.
A Necessary Mindset Shift
This requires that you change your mindset from a cop mentality (making them obey) to a coach mentality (helping them succeed).
However, many parents often make the mistake of staying in “cop mode” far too long when their kids desperately need them to be in “coach mode.”
When this happens, it can and does frustrate not only the parent, but their kids as well.
As parents, we have to gradually, yet intentionally, make this necessary transition from the discipline (cop) years to the training and guiding (coach) years.
If you have kids who are older, or getting older, what is one practical way you could begin to transition from a cop to more of a coach this week?
- If you’d like to dive deeper into understanding parenting seasons and how and when to make these transitions, I walk you through it fully step-by-step in my book, Godly Parenting. Check it out!
