Is your child aware of their greatest need?
We have three kids at home, and each has their own primary struggle: one is anger, another complaining, and another persistence about getting their way. Seriously, their relentless negotiating skills would make any lawyer proud.
Every child typically has at least one glaring area of weakness or needed growth. And usually, everyone in the family can see it clearly… except them.
These top needs can shift over time as our kids grow. But we need to know what they are, and how to help our kids navigate through them wisely.
Here are a few keys to help:
1. Don’t hide it from them. Whatever your child’s greatest need may be, it shouldn’t be a secret. While you don’t make it part of their identity, you also don’t pretend it doesn’t exist. They need the self-awareness to both see it and correct it. This requires intentional conversation and instruction.
2. Give them the clear alternative. For example, if they struggle with anger, they should know their greatest need is self-control. Think of it as swapping out the works of the flesh for the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:19-23), because our ultimate goal for them is Christlikeness:
- Anger → Self-Control
- Stubbornness → Humility
- Complaining/Whining → Thankfulness
- Selfishness → Love
- Impatience → Patience/Longsuffering
- Dishonesty → Faithfulness/Truthfulness
- Harshness → Gentleness/Kindness
- Anxiety/Worry → Peace
3. Train them and hold them accountable. Once you’ve named the struggle and given them the biblical alternative, you’ve set both you and your child up for success. The key now is helping them develop the self-awareness to notice it in themselves and make corrections. One effective tool here is the “Repeat Re-do Strategy”—having them repeat the action, but with the appropriate response this time. Do this enough times, and they’ll start catching and correcting these behaviors on their own.
Kids will naturally rise or fall to the level of our expectations. Giving them clarity on what reaching toward Christlikeness actually looks like sets them up for long-term growth and success.
** Blind spots aren’t just a kid problem, they’re a human problem, which means you have one too. Are you brave enough to ask your spouse, your kids, or a close friend for their honest input to help you see yours?
