Of all the kids in your church right now, what percentage would you say have been directly affected by divorce?… 20%… 40%… 60%…?
Currently in America, over 63% of children are being raised in something other than a two-parent home. (And while divorce is not the only factor that plays into that statistic, it’s still one of the largest.) That’s staggering! And many of these are children we minister to every single week, and maybe even within our own homes.
All it takes is a quick Google search of “Children Divorce Statistics”, and the results you’ll find about the negative emotional, physical, and life-long effects of divorce upon children are inescapable.
Divorce is rampant and far-reaching in our nation today, and many children are suffering the negative consequences of other people’s choices. Regardless of the circumstances that may surround any divorce, no child ever escapes from one without being negatively impacted. Divorce hurts. Divorce divides. And divorce affects boys and girls just as much if not more than it does moms and dads.
Here’s a short video called “Voice of a Child of Divorce” from thechildofdivorce.com. It is a must-watch for all parents.
So what can we do to help the children of divorce? Here are a few simple suggestions:
1. Be There
In a time when kids feel like the people who are supposed to be there for them the most are in some form abandoning them, it’s crucially important that they have the presence of multiple strong adults and leaders to lean on.
2. Listen
Whether they’re open to talking right away or not, they will eventually need someone to just listen to them. They will need someone willing to let them say what they want to say, no matter how painful it is, or how angry it sounds. They will just need someone to listen.
3. Pray
Nothing can help a child of divorce more than them knowing that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them unconditionally and wants to help them through whatever they are facing. Taking them aside and praying regularly with them can make a huge difference in helping them cope with the stress and pressure they’re experiencing.
4. Give Godly Counsel
Sometimes unrealistic expectations are put on the children of divorce, like making them choose between living with mom or with dad or having to live under two completely different sets of rules and worldviews from one week to the next. Kids of divorce often have major decisions to make regularly that kids were never originally intended to have to make. They are going to need Godly counsel from someone they can trust. You might just be that someone.
These steps may sound like an oversimplified approach, but I have personally used them over the years and found them to work. I’m not a trained professional in this field, and there are so many other dimensions to this issue that can and need to be addressed, but these four things are a great start.
A great tool for more resources to help kids of divorce is Divorce Care For Kids.
If you’re a parent whose family has been personally impacted by divorce, You know firsthand the pain that it can cause. But also know that God’s grace is always greater than your family’s past. We serve a God of second chances, and the Bible is filled with stories of God using flawed people and non-traditional families to accomplish his work.
In fact, the light of his grace often shines brightest through broken vessels.
